I don't like Cricket

Return of an old favourite...

Back in the days when I wasn't the only Collective member who posted on this site, some of my fellow bloggers started a series called '50 reasons why Australia wont win the Ashes.'

For those of you who don't remember, this was basically an excuse to come up with 50 reasons why Australia (the people, place and culture) is rubbish, ergo Australia (the cricket team) would lose spectacularly in the forthcoming series.

We had planned to do one of these every day up until the the first test, but out of sheer laziness - although not I would emphasize a lack of material - we seemed to run out of steam.

Anyway, I was mulling this over today and I present you Reason Number 9 (or whatever number we got to): Letting Helen Daniels die.

Back in the early 90s, during the trauma of my teenage years, whenever I had a problem I knew that I could put on BBC1 at 5.30pm and turn to Helen Daniels for help. Whether it was having a crush on the girl next door, falling in love with your wife's twin sister or seeing the love of your life shot as she protested against duck-hunting, Helen Daniels was always on hand, like some modern day Florence Nightingle, with sympathy, kindness and advice. When she died, therefore, it was like losing a family member, especially because (in what was a particularly nice touch) Neighbours insisted on showing the actual footage of Anne Haddy's funeral.

Now I know that death comes to us all, but in the UK our aging TV stars - like Bruce Forsyth, Jimmy Tarbuck or Cilla Black - have clauses in their contracts which prevent them from dying, no matter how much some people (not me) might want them to. I therefore blame you Australia, for bringing Helen Daniels into our lives and then stealing her away from us. Couldn't you have at least got a new actress to play the character?

(I realise this post has gone well beyond the realms of good taste and I should probably stop now...)

posted by cov @ 10:33 pm