I don't like Cricket

A serious cricket post...Sort of

I have decided to break the house rules of the I don't like Cricket collective and do a semi-serious post on Cricket. (Yes I know this is the exclusive domain of Cricinfo and The Corridor, but my fellow posters are away this week and I have been left to man the fort this week.)

The fact that I am posting about He-Man probably gives a clue to my age. As such the first Ashes series I can recall giving two hoots about was in 1993 - 'ball of the century' and all that.

Obviously England haven't won that much during that time and I spent today trying to come up with a fantasy team of the most successful England players against Australia since I've been following the Ashes....

(Note: this is not based on anything scientific - like looking at the averages - its just based on the players I can recall doing okay over the last 13 years)

My Opening Pair would be:

Vaughan and Trescothick

Vaughan obviously picks himself and as Captain too. Tresothick, however, is probably a bit more controversial. I have gone for him mainly because he and Vaughan were a proven pairing and partly because I would always go for a right-hand/left hand opening combination. Yes I know he's never scored a hundred against the Aussies, but the same is true of Atherton (who I also toyed with, until I remembered he was McGrath's bunny) and Trescothick had a decent series last year.

At number 3:

Mark Butcher

Put simply Butch proved it against the Aussies and arguably could have gone on this tour given that Trescothick is starring in his own production of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's nest. (Only joking Marcus, get well soon!) Butcher would also be useful to bowl medium-pacers when my fantasy England team is trying to break a 300-run third wicket Australian partnership.

My middle order is as follows:

At four I've gone for Kevin Pietersen.

Let's be honest, the main problem is that he's South African. This makes him look like a bit of a tw*t, sound like a henchman from Lethal Weapon II and, as a result, the kind of bloke that you would love to slap if you saw him down your local Walkabout. But the very fact that he so utterley un-English (if such a term exists) means that during the last series he was able to come out, be fearless and frankly stick it up 'em. I suspect he will go on to become one of the greatest cricketers England has ever had, and if that's the case who cares if he probably still thinks that Mandela was guilty. (Again, only joking Kev!)


At six there's one obvious choice. Graeme Thorpe. The one consistently bright shining light of England batting during the 90's.

(I toyed with Graeme Hick who I'm pretty sure usually did well against Australia but Thrope was a no-brainer)

Wicket Keeper and All-Rounder are easy too: Alec Stewart and Flintoff.

Alec Stewart: Chelsea fan; world-class opener; underrated wicket-keeper. The kind of man you'd want in the trenches with you. (He could go over the top first mind.)

Freddie Flintoff. The star of the current England team and one of the world's most hostile bowlers and destructive batsmen, plus I never saw Botham play in the Ashes.

The bowlers were a more difficult choice.

I have only gone for one of the England bowlers from 2005 (Flintoff aside). One for the ladies here, but for his ability to bowl reverse swing and annoy Matty Hayden, I have gone for Simon Jones - the England team's Darren Anderton.

I have thus ditched Hoggard and Harmison.

Harmison is a great bowler when in the mood, but apart from giving Ponting a working over on the first morning of the first test, I think he was out-bowled by the other England seamers last year.

Instead I have gone for Andy Caddick who consistently took wickets against Australia (Sydney 2003 anyone?) and used to give no less a player than Steve Waugh a torrid time.

Hoggard I know took crucial wickets last year. But I have gone for Dean Headley who, again, took wickets against the Aussies, was a bit quicker, and was equally as good as Hoggard against the left-handers.

Finally as much as I wanted to pick Phil Tufnel as my spinner I have gone for Peter Such, which frankly reflects the paucity of quality England spinners there has been in the last decade and a bit. I know there's a case for Giles, but the Aussies have always been a bit suspect against off-spin and Such had a reasonable record against them.

Anyway that's it. I know in many ways it's an odd team, but I still think these have been the most successful England players in the Ashes since I've been following them. I would be interested to see if the stats backed this up.

The problem I have, however, is even now I don't think that this team would have won last Summer's Ashes, which of course is bizarre given that the team of 2005 did! (I've confused even myself now.) Anyway, if I get round to it I'll probably try and do a fantasy Australian team and a Nightmare England XI; but because this post has been a bit too serious here's a picture of a Toffee Crisp for no particular reason.

posted by cov @ 10:52 pm